Have you ever felt hopeless–like your purpose in life has faded and all the doors keep slamming in your face? 

Do you wonder if God decided that He no longer needed you and has abandoned you to fend for yourself?

I was in that place.

A Call to Serve

Last fall, I had recently started serving in my church’s nursery once a month, and earlier I had just graduated high school, so I was in a period of trying to figure out what I wanted to do in life. 

I think it was my third time serving in the toddler room when the director mentioned that she’d been struggling to find an assistant. God gave me a love to serve, and when there was a need, I had this desire to help. I told the director that even though I was new, I would be willing to help her. I seriously didn’t think she would take me up on my offer. 

Three days later, I got a phone call from her and she said God laid me on her heart to help her and to be her assistant. After a quick talk with my parents, I called her back and confirmed that I would be willing to help. 

This was more than a dream come true. I respected the church staff tremendously and have always wanted to be a leader some day.

Come October, I was serving in the nursery every Sunday. I learned everyone’s names, I was there for the director when she needed me, and I loved each of the babies and toddlers dearly. 

But four months later, spiritual warfare hit. Hard. For almost all of February, I was plagued with depression, and because of that, I could no longer serve as a leader. Parents couldn’t have a depressed leader watching over their kids. And since the children picked up on emotions, I couldn’t be around them.

I was let go. Let go from the job I wholeheartedly believed God had for me. 

Everything I loved and cherished about that role was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it. 

Why God?

Ever since middle school, my only desire in life had been to follow Jesus. I thought that being in the Nursery was what He wanted for me, because I wasn’t just serving the toddlers, I was serving HIM. 

And I finally had a plan for my life. I wanted to be in ministry and grow in the ways of the Lord. I wanted to be a leader and serve the youth.

But ever since I lost my position, I just felt like a failure. It felt like God was done with me. All of my hopes and dreams were smashed and chucked out the window.

Why would God let this happen?

Control

For my church’s Children’s Festival this year, the theme was all about serving like Jesus. The kids learned about humility and putting others first, and they even made crafts to give to other people. 

I got to serve in this event, too, but throughout it all, I was struggling. Could God still use me after what happened? 

One of the worship songs they played was called “Control” by Tenth Avenue North. The chorus starts off with: 

“God you don’t need me,

But somehow You want me.

O how You love me,

Somehow that frees me

To take my hands off of my life 

And the way it should go.”

The words deeply resonated in my heart. And as much as I thought the kids were there to learn, God had something to teach me too. Even though it seemed like everything was falling apart, God had a plan for my life from the beginning and is still working through me. 

I don’t know why God let this happen, but I do know that He’s not done with me.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

Psalm 34:22 “But the Lord will redeem those who serve Him. No one who takes refuge in Him will be condemned.”

So, if you’re in this time of waiting and hardship, know that this is not the end. God will still use you for His purpose in His time.