This one is a bit of a testimony—

One year ago, I was fired from the church for struggling with depression. That tore my whole world apart. The job was given to me out of the blue, and it was the best job I could ever hope for. I loved serving the toddlers. I loved helping the other staff. Did I fail? Was God just done with me? Why did this have to happen?

What good could come out of dealing with depression, suicidal thoughts, and losing what was, to me, the best job in the world? 

I don’t know. I’m holding on to hope that, in the end, it will get better, like it says in Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11. But sometimes I lose all hope, and in despair, cry out to God. Why, God, did you let this happen? I haven’t received an answer, but it’s comforting to know He still hears me and that He’s got a good plan for me. 

All year, I’ve been lingering in the book of Psalms, finding God’s goodness. Yes, even in the pain, God is still good. In those verses, He showed me that He cares for the afflicted and hears their cries; He’s still God, the One who’s in control of the world, who made it exist, and is always with me. Finding those verses was a blessing in disguise. He saw what really happened and knows the reason behind everything. 

Even now, I still don’t have the answers. I’m still waiting for Romans 8:28 to be fulfilled—that all things work together for the good of those who love God. But even now, as I wait and desperately cling to this promise, I have seen so many wonderful things blossom from this pain. 

In March of last year, God blessed me with a co-authoring project. Through it, He brought out my hurt and my grief with my characters, and I’ve found different ways to overcome this. I want to share this story with others going through depression, too, because I understand now what that’s like.

God also taught me to keep going and gave me hope for the future. He even reshaped my relationship with Him. At first, I was just going through the motions, trying to be perfect and earn His favor. Now, I understand how important His grace is, and how much He really loves me; how patient He is when I couldn’t pray or read my Bible. 

He wasn’t mad. He knew. 

My best friend helped me along the way as well. She knew what it was like and was there to support me. 

Honestly, I’m sick of hurting. I hate that this occurred. But I’m thankful too, because along the way of surviving this, I have been blessed, and I wouldn’t exchange it for what I had when I served at church.

To anyone else who’s hurting and going through a really tough time, please don’t give up. Keep going. Good will come out of it in ways you never expected. That’s a promise. 

Romans 8:28 NLT “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

Jeremiah 29:11 NLT “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’”