If you asked me a couple years ago what was the easiest part of life, I probably would have said trusting God. Time with God wasn’t just a step in my day, it was what made every day my favorite. What I didn’t know in those months was that my best friend would later describe the place I was walking in, as an impossible situation. I never dreamed that she would say that it’s unbelievable how easily I made it through it without the support of family, friends, or anyone for that matter. 

Now though, it shouldn’t feel nearly as impossible as the previous trial should have . I’m not facing anything even remotely similar to what I was about a year and a half to two years ago. At least not in the same way I was. So much is different this year. Then, it should have felt like I was carrying the weight of the world, but, pardon the cliché, my burden was light. Now, it feels like there is a permanent weight on my shoulders, it just has an ever changing label. 

My best friend and I were talking about the last year to year and a half (at the time) a few months back. In the moment, I said who would have thought the struggles of a year ago would shake my faith less than this year’s. Then I told her sometimes I hate myself for it. That’s true—it takes everything I have some days to not hate myself for being more phased by everything now.

The fact is that what I went through a year and a half ago wasn’t easier or harder than what I am walking in now. They are very different. She pointed that out to me. 

Sometimes it’s easy to blame ourselves for the wildernesses we walk through: I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t faithful enough, I messed this or that up, I didn’t pray hard enough. The list goes on. The thing is, as easy as it is to blame ourselves, the reason is very often not that simple to find. It’s usually somewhere off in the distance, often long beyond the horizon when we first enter the wilderness. The truth is, more often than not it’s God preparing us for something we can’t see yet.

I don’t think that everything a couple years ago was easier because I was quote on quote “a better Christian”. (Though my Bible studying habits probably were stronger a year ago.) 

I think that some wildernesses are more complicated to traverse than others, even in the spiritual realm. Just like here on Earth on guided trails, your skills, knowledge, communication, and trust in the guide affect how you traverse each exploration. Now, you could take that to mean how “good of Christian” you are determines how well it goes. But the thing is there are different levels of difficulty when exploring any patch of wilderness. Sometimes it’s an easier trail where the guide isn’t as important, others it’s an easy trail but the guide is telling stories and teaching the whole way. Even so on some other hikes your guide is the difference between a good hike and a search party. You’re almost guaranteed to learn something about life, yourself, or maybe even your guide every trip—but that is the only guarantee of similarity. Let God guide your hikes, even when you think you know the way, sometimes you’re on a harder one than you realized.