A quick note: I realized that last week, I posted an article instead of a Cup of Tea. My apologies for the slip-up! As a result, we’ll be posting two Cups of Tea in a row, and then we should be back to the normal schedule. Again, I’m very sorry for the mistake!

I’m not as holy as she is. 

He prays way more than me. He must be a better Christian. 

I’ve sinned too much. God must be angry with me. 

I’m not good enough.

If you’re anything like me, thoughts like these go through your head at least once a week. You can’t seem to do anything right. You feel like an incompetent Christian, so you try to do more in order to supplement the guilt weighing down your heart. You read your Bible excessively and pray over and over. But because your prayers don’t feel sincere, you’re still not good enough. You still don’t measure up to those around you.

Why don’t I feel as close to God as he does?

Why does God never speak to me?

What am I doing wrong?

The thoughts are endless, a constant pressure at the back of your mind. Measure up. Be good enough. Try harder. Eventually you feel tired–sick of yourself, fed up with the religion that isn’t doing anything, and done with living in your own head. 

What should we do when we find ourselves stuck in this endless cycle of guilt? 

My first suggestion is to think of Jesus and the Feeding of the Five Thousand. 

“When it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a lonely place, and the day is now over; send the crowds away to go into the villages and buy food for themselves.” Jesus said, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.” They said to him, “We have only five loaves here and two fish.” And he said, “Bring them here to me.” Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass; and taking the five loaves and the two fish he looked up to heaven, and blessed, and broke and gave the loaves to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds.” (Matthew 14: 15-19). 

What happens in this story? The crowds are hungry, and Jesus orders His Disciples to “give them something to eat.” But the Disciples don’t have enough food to feed the thousands of people listening to Jesus’ sermons. Five loaves and two fishes weren’t good enough to do what Jesus asked.

This, I think, is the key. 

The loaves and fish weren’t good enough. But they were enough. Enough for Jesus to work a miracle. Enough for the Disciples to feed the crowd. Enough to satisfy the hungry crowd. 

As Christians, we might never be ‘good enough’ in our own opinion. But we are always enough in God’s eyes. He doesn’t need us to be perfect. He just needs us to show up. 

So, next time the storm of thoughts threatens to drown you, don’t allow yourself to panic. Just breathe. Say a quick prayer. And show up.